New House

I closed on my new house on Thursday, and I'll be working over there almost 'round the clock. I probably won't post on here for at least 3 weeks, and it'll probably be the end of the blog, but tomato tomato.


3 more weeks

Summertime Fatshion: Hats

I’ve written briefly in the past about fat people wearing obscure hats. We can all think of at least a few fat guys who wear some ridiculous forms of fedoras, derby hats, berets or any other equally goofy hats. While some of these hats make brief, fashionable resurgences, the look they have on someone like Brad Pitt is far different than the look they have on larger people, but I digress. I want to talk exclusively about baseball caps. I know what you might be thinking. How on earth could Fatshion extend to baseball caps?

First, as a universal rule of hatshion (get it?), simpler is better. Hats with lightning bolts and colors split down the middle are just childish looking. Only buy solid color hats that have a logo on the front with a smaller logo on the back.

As far as Fatshion is concerned, always make sure that the hats you buy are fitted. The best fitted hats for larger-headed people are FlexFit hats. FlexFit hats are fitted, but the lining is made out of a very comfortable, very expandable elastic. This gives you a comfortable feel without sacrificing any style. The problem with non-fitted hats is that larger people often have to wear the buckle on one of the pegs closest to the end. This ends up giving most hats a funny shape all over because the cut of the hat is made for all pegs to be incorporated. The end result can be a hat that looks entirely too small for someone’s head, which brings us to our second point.

Always purchase hats that are deep. In other words, make sure your hats are deep enough to actually go around your head rather than sitting on top. When a fat man’s hat is really shallow, it gives the appearance that his fat head is so huge that his hat is forced to sit atop his head like a meatball ready to topple over. Again, FlexFit hats are cut really well in larger sizes so that the hats are incredibly deep and fit like they should.

Lastly, under most circumstances, you’ll want to purchase hats that have little backing in the actual lining of the hat. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, compare an Abercrombie style hate to an MLB style hat. MLB styles, and other styles that incorporate stiff backing, are designed to sit up and away from the head. Soft backed or no-backed caps are preferred.

So go out and buy yourself a new hat. Many retailers offer a variety of FlexFit caps, and many embroidery shops offer completely plain FlexFit hats for around twelve bucks.