Summertime Footwear

With warmer weather approaching and the dreadful promise of another blazingly hot, fat-man-marginalizing summer ahead, it’s appropriate to begin a series discussing summer Fatshion. Let’s start from the ground up with footwear.

Footwear is the most easily recognizable way to determine what look someone is trying to achieve. Chinos and a button down can look dressy when worn with a polished dress shoe or incredibly laid back with a pair of open toed sandals. For a fat person wearing shorts, shoe selection is absolutely crucial.

First, a few don’ts. Never wear socks that come up past your ankle unless you’re playing soccer, and if you’re fat, this exception will never apply to you. Unless you plan on participating in an activity that requires you to take your shoes off, never wear flip flops. Woah! I know what you’re thinking. No flip flops? Listen, the fresh-off-the-volleyball-court look may work wonderfully for your thinner counterparts, but the flip flops have a much different, sloppy appearance on larger people. Low top running shoes like New Balance are ok, but try not to wear them if you’re wearing anything other than a t-shirt.

So, what should we wear? There are essentially three options. First, a Birkenstock sandal or clog. Classically styled and easily recognized, Birkenstocks provide the perfect sophisticated open toe look. It provides the ease and functionality of a flip flop with the versatility of a deck shoe. Second, plainly colored fashion forward sport shoes. Adidas, Ben Sherman, K-Swiss, and many other companies offer simple styles that go great with shorts. These shoes provide the versatility of a running shoe with a clean, more fashion conscious appearance. Lastly, the shoe that everyone should own, the casual loafer. Never worn with socks, casual loafers are the be-all, end-all of fashionable warm weather attire. Loafers should only be worn with button down shirts or golf shirts, and can also provide a great casual look when worn with a pair of chinos.

The one overarching theme of the footwear you choose is that it should be high quality. Nothing looks worse than when someone shows up in the Wal-Mart version of a Birkenstock sandal. Quality products will outlast their inferior counterparts and make you look a lot better at the same time.

So throw those ratty flip flops away, and say goodbye to shin-high socks. Embrace the warmer weather with a fresh, fashionable look.