Bagginess: a Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

There are a few foundational principles and ideas that set the proverbial table for a proverbially great meal. While this isn't the most foundational principle, its influence is seen in almost every aspect of Fatshion.

Let's face it, fat persons and bagging clothing are as familiar with one another as baked potatoes and cheese, sour cream, butter, bacon bits, and chives. The problem is, as you may have guessed, baggy clothing often does more harm than good. A few things make this the case. Loose shirts and tops almost always cause what is known as the "drapery effect." Baggy pants and jeans are not only out of style, but they set the platform for your entire appearance--if they look big, you look big. Perhaps most importantly though, you're simply not fooling anyone. Regardless of shape or size, everyone looks best in clothes that fit them.

The "drapery effect" is the specific appearance of a shirt when the bottom of the shirt is hovering away from the sides, front, and/or back of a person's thigh area (or higher). In other words, no part (or only a small part) of the shirt is touching the wearer's body below the largest part of the stomach. This, in turn, accentuates both the size of the gut and the size and pointiness of the man breasts. The proper circumference of a shirt is such that when you sit down in the upright position, there is approximately 2-3 inches of extra cloth around the largest part of the midsection. There should be enough fabric that buttons on a button-down shirt should not be pulled or strained. T-shirts should have enough fabric that the indention of the belly button can not be seen.

Baggy pants should be avoided out of general fashion principle because they are out of style. For fat people, baggy pants evoke the presentation of softness and unclean lines, not to mention copious amounts of extra fabric in the crotch area when sitting can evoke the look of a "pants tent." With the current fashion trends, many fat people have difficulty not with the waistline of their jeans, but with the circumference of the thigh when sitting or bending. A taught thighline can be just as detrimental as incredibly baggy pants and should be avoided. A good rule of thumb is to allow 1-2 inches of extra fabric on the circumference of the thigh when sitting. If a clothier has 8 different cuts of jeans (with 1 being the most lean), it's recommended to stick around the equivalent of a 5 or 6 out of the 8.

The most important thing to remember about wearing baggy clothing is that you're simply not fooling anyone. Like someone who pleads the fifth or answers a pervasive question with "no comment," you've already signed your guilty plea in the court of public opinion.