Fatshion Blog

Long ago I had an idea. This idea was to create a safe-haven where fat people could learn the folly of their poor dressing ways. The idea was predicated on the belief that behaving and presenting yourself in certain ways dictates success, happiness and public perceptions both good and bad. This idea, and this idea alone, has lead to the creation of the Fatshion Blog. Learn to maximize your potential in life by maximizing others' perceptions of you.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Open Access Shirts: Capes With Armholes

It wouldn't be too much of a stretch to say that for the past century, the biggest fashion dilemma overweight men have faced is the struggle to downplay the size and shape of their breasts. You don't have to look hard at all to see the various ways that men have attempted to mask their cones, but one gimmick, for whatever asinine reason, has stood the test of time: the open access shirt.

Most often worn over a t-shirt, an open access shirt is simply defined as a button down shirt worn with none of the buttons fastened, or as many fashionistas amicably refer to it, the cape with armholes. Simply put, there are few abominations that have had a further reaching recourse in the world of Fatshion. Not only does it produce an incredibly unkept appearance, but the loose, bedspread-like flow can make overweight people look five to ten percent heavier than they really are. Couple this with the fact that the open access look is incredibly dated, and you have a recipe for disaster.

For a cleaner, more modern look, purchase button downs that actually fit when buttoned, and wear them untucked with only the top button undone. If the drapery effect is a potential problem, don't forget to purchase tall sizes. When put with a securely fitting undershirt and a pair of loose boot cut jeans, the effect can be awe inspiring. To make this look more casual, pair it with a pair of fashion forward tennis shoes, or for a slightly more polished look, wear this with dress shoes and a blazer.

Tell your arm-holed cape to pull a Superman and go flying off a tall building, and take comfort in the fact that you'll never be flying with it again.

5 Comments:

At 7:17 PM, Blogger jöe said...

do the world issues themselves scare the shit out of you, or just their choice of which issue to tackle from time to time? i could see it either way.

 
At 3:52 PM, Anonymous tyler said...

in response to your response to joe's above response, i have another book/series idea. i was recently doing some reading and thinking, and came up with a pretty solid foundation for how humanity, through its use of wealth for comfort and laziness, rather than for solving its bigger issues, has actually started heading backwards down the hill of evolution. there is clear and legitimate psychological evidence, and i would bet if we looked very hard the physiological is coming close behind.

 
At 3:54 PM, Anonymous tyler said...

i should add, an easy spring board for physiological de-evolution would be to take a glance at pharmaceutical sales and the over-use of medication for all potential ails.

 
At 9:55 PM, Blogger andy said...

To help with your future-of-the-blog decision, I suppose.

http://selfpublishblook.blogspot.com/

 
At 8:10 PM, Anonymous Brett said...

Thanks for the information. It is helpful and useful.

 

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